He could be the cute guy playing basketball down the road, he could be the gorgeous guy that waited on your table at the sushi bar downtown, he could be the new guy with the perfect teeth that sits next to you in chemistry, he could be some blondie you fell in love with two summers ago, he could be your neighbor, your best friend, your english teachers son, your coworker, your best friends brother, your classmate, he could be anyone.
Just to sit here and think that the love of my life is out there somewhere completely amazes me.
He could be doing anything right about now..
Eating dinner with my future in laws ;), studying for killer exams, waiting on tables, working out, playing COD, singing in the shower, ordering some fries at Burger King, walking his dog, brushing his teeth, downloading music to his new ipod.
Shoooot for all I know he could be on a date right now.. with his... girlfriend.
Ugh.
Well, as far as I'm concerned she's an ex girlfriend to me. So don't get too happy sistaaa he'll be mine one day ;) Hehe.
It's amazing how this world is. It's amazing how we have that one person that we are made to be with. This world is full of billions of different and unique love stories. Billions.
Love is such a beautiful thing.
One day we will all find it in our own special way. We will be lead to one another one precious step at a time.
You hear of others meeting one another in the most mind blowing ways. So often people ask, "what are the chances? "
It's proof. It's proof that there is just Someone greater who has it all planned out. There is Someone what will lead him right to me. He will match us together so perfectly. He will give me someone that understands me like no one else can, He will give me someone that loves me unconditionally, He will give us each other.
It is so easy for us to worry about finding that special someone.. It is so easy for us to worry when honestly there is nothing for us to even worry about.
Worrying about finding love isn't going to change anything. It's not going to make the love of our life magically appear, it's not going to make it come any sooner, it does nothing. If anything, it just stresses us out more and makes life seem so much more difficult. We just have to trust and have patience. It'll all happen one day. And when it does.. we will see why it was completely worth waiting for. <3

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hey rainbow, today would be nice.

Have you ever been so shocked that you couldn't even find the words to speak? Have you ever been so confused that all you feel you can do is curl up in a ball and just hope for it all to pass? Have you ever been so heartbroken that you cry until there's nothing left? You do everything to reach out to the one person that you care about most and get nothing. A wall is clearly up and there is absolutely no getting through. They show no emotion, nothing.
Just when you feel as though you need them the most, comfort is not what they have to offer. Instead, their rejection leaves you with new scars. Deeper pain.
You slowly just feel yourself fall weaker and weaker. Don't.Give.Up.
Yeah, the whole three great nights in a row thing? Not happening.
Today was possibly one of the worst days I have had in a good while.
If I learned anything today, it's to expect the unexpected.
Life is not always the way it seems. It has plenty of curve balls to throw, plenty.
I promise I won't make this too long at all. It has been a way long day and I'm ready to just get to bed.
If I learned anything today, it's to always keep your head up in all you do. Don't rely on people for anything, even comfort. People will always fail you, God's love never will.
Relying on others can easily leave you with deeper scars than before. Why seek out possible pain when there is a Healer for everything? Things will get better.

Like my brother always used to remind me, "After the rain comes the rainbow."
I know I know, so corny but so true. It always seems to put me in a better mood.
(:




<3
Micaela

The thinking spot.

Yeah, yeah. Great night round two. Can we make that three in a row please? That would be pretty awesome.
I absolutely love nights like tonight. Just sitting around doing next to nothing and still having the perfect night.
Tonight I was with a few guys who had me laughing and smiling from the time I got there to the time I left. So much fun.
Well, while driving around these boys decided to take me to their thinking spot. Location completely confidential. ;)
We drove around a couple neighborhoods, a few turns here, a turn there, and boom, there it was.
Before too long, it was made completely clear how this little spot it got it's name. The only thing that stood around (besides us) was possibly the biggest cat I've ever seen. (Dead serious, this thing was huge.)
Anyways, you're just sitting there watching the darkness settle in, cars pass, and the thick fog fill the air. What else do you have to do other than think? Okay, okay, so I must admit that I didn't think the "thinking spot" wouldn't actually do anything..
But man oh man was I wrong..
At some point, I looked around at the three boys that stood on all sides of me. I couldn't help see how different they each were. While noticing all the many differences, I soon began to see some of the numerous similarities that they all held.
It made me think.
Each and every one of us is so uniquely different from the inside out.
The number of different personalities that walk around this world each and every day is so completely mind blowing. Throughout it all, hundreds of different kinds of personalities mesh together and form friendships. We find attachment to others even in our differences.
Out of all the billions of people in the world, not one of us is exactly alike. It makes each and every one of us hold something that someone else doesn't. No matter how hard someone might try, no one in this world can ever be you. Embrace yourself, love yourself. You are beautiful.



It's true.



Oh, and Ps. I lied about the post time so it could go under the nineteenth like it was supposed to. (:


<3
Micaela

Life's all in what you make it.

Tonight was great. It was a really good friend of mine's birthday so we all went out to dinner. It was definitely a much needed girls night. There were laughs and smiles all night long, never a dull moment. Although nothing life changing exactly happened, tonight made me realize a lot more than I thought it would.
Tonight made me realize that I truly wouldn't replace my life for anyone else's. You couldn't make me want to trade lives with the one person in this world who has it easiest. So far life for me has been a nonstop roller coaster. It's been a up and down battle the whole way through, but I've realized something throughout it all. I've realized that you can't always dwell in the worst of a situation. You can't solely live your life in haunting memories of the past. There is so much more to life than that. You have to strive to find the happiness throughout it all. It is there. Whether we want to believe it or not there is always hope, in one form or another. It's always there. We have to want to see it. We have to choose what we want. Getting there is never easy. But then again, we were never promised that it would be. It's just one thing that will all be worth it in the end.
When we finally get to where we want to be, we will have the assurance and know that we worked for it, that it wasn't just given to us. We'll be able to appreciate it a lot more. We cherish the things that we work for, we remember the things that come with lessons. It will be the our life that we worked for and nobody can take it away from us. Our future is our own. It's all what we make of it.
Sure, bad things happen. Bad things happen all the time. Believe it or not though, there is a positive side to all of our troubles. So what exactly do troubles bring us? Sadness, pain, tears, anger, depression, frustration, ect. But saying all of that, that's only focusing on one side of it all. It's us not wanting to see the positives, the hope in it all. A lot of the time we don't see the opportunities troubles bring us. Troubles give us the opportunity to become stronger. Without troubles, we would be so weak. If we take situations maturely we can become wiser, smarter. We can learn our weakness, we learn not to make the same mistake twice. Some of the strongest people you will ever meet have probably suffered and been through more than you could ever imagine. What got them to where they are now?
Having a perfect life?
Doubt it.
It's definitely something to think about. Something to think about the next time you're having a bad day.
There is an outcome that can be so much greater than the misery and pain we feel.
We are stronger than the obstacles put before us. Sometimes we just have to step up and prove that.
Never.give.up.




<3
Micaela

Sister sister.

So the weather has been pretty amazing lately. Usually Louisiana is pretty consistant with her temperature mood swings. One day you're stepping outside in your shorts, instantly feeling the humidity suffocate you from the inside out.. while the very next day you're stepping outside in twenty seven layers and staring at icicles hanging down from the edge of your roof. Gotta love it. I'm pretty sure that the icicle spells are over and done with, but then again that only means that hot and humid are next in line.
Since the forecast has been next to perfect lately I was dying to just go outside and do something with my life.
As I was walking from the car to the backdoor I see my dads bike leaning up against the storage room. Bingo.
Well, we only have about 97283927 bikes in the storage room so why go by myself?
I go to grab my last bag out of the front seat and hear someone squeal. I look up to see my sister spill all of her Chickfila on the ground..
Oh yes. I instantly knew who my biking companion would be.
It was just us at home anyways so the idea sounded perfect. And I mean, she could go for a bike ride..right? Spilling chickfila on the ground is kind of depressing. Fresh air and exercise couldn't hurt. ;)
We left a little before five and road all over checking out tons of different houses in the neighborhood. At one point she rode ahead of me and lead the way. I stayed behind her watched her long blonde hair swing from one direction to the other. I couldn't help but think of what a strong little girl she is. She was just peddling away as healthy as could be. I turned and watched people walk around with their dogs, I saw kids outside kicking soccer balls, cars pass. These people had no idea. These people had not a clue what they were simply glancing over at. All they saw was a healthy girl in a red sweatshirt riding her bike. Nothing fazed them. I saw something so much more than that.. I was looking at someone stronger than me. I was looking at someone who shouldn't even be alive. I was looking at a miracle.
It was just like any other day. I went to school, I went to class and at 3:00.. (well probably later than that, my mom is pretty good about being late) we all got picked up from school. When we closed the door to the car and got all buckled up my mom told us that we were bringing Ana Denae in for a checkup at the doctors office. I remember Ana starting to complain because she didn't want to go to the doctors office, she wanted to go to the dentist instead. Our dentist clearly loved spoiling children. Ana Denae would always walk out with more stickers than anyone. Little did my baby sister know, she would soon be getting a lot more stickers than she bargined for.. that, along with hospital bands, bandaids, shots and MRI's. The list goes on and on.
I remember signing to her (she was born deaf) how we could go to the dentist another time, that she could get stickers at the doctors too. Once she realized that, she was more so okay with the idea of the doctors office. We soon pulled up and walked all the way down the narrow hallway. We opened the last door on the left and waited around until they called her in. I stayed out with my brothers while she went in the back for her check up. When they came out my mom told us we were going to have to go over to the hospital to get some bloodwork done. Everyone kept on asking questions. "Why this, why that?" No one knew what was going on.
While walking from the parking lot to the hospital I remember looking up at noticing how grey the sky was. Everything was so gloomy. My mom held my sister and didn't say a word. I think we all knew something wasn't right. When we got in I took my little brother over to the big fish tank out in the waiting area while my mom filled out some paperwork. Time passed and they called us all back into a smaller waiting room for Ana Denae to get the bloodwork done. From what I remember, this is about when my dad showed up. He stayed out with us while my mom took my sister in the back room. I sat in the chair and stared at the tweetybird painted on the wall, when all of a sudden I heard a little cry from behind the door they brought Ana in. I looked over at my dad and saw him tense up. He shook his head, "Poor little Ana." Something definitely wasn't right.
The phone rang and the receptionist handed it to my parents. When I saw the looks in their faces I knew something was terribly wrong. I had no idea what was going on. As we were walking out of the hospital with my dad, Ana Denae's teacher showed up and she and my dad spoke for a few seconds and exchanged worried looks. She and my mom were best friends so that part of it made sense, but why was she here?
The whole car ride home was a blur. I would be lying if I said I remembered any of it. When we got home my dad called my older brother and I back into his bedroom. He sat us down on the bed and finally told us what was going on. He looked us both in the eyes and didn't hold anything back, "Ana Denae has cancer." Cancer? I didn't exactly know what cancer was. I knew it was something bad.. and I knew that people could die from it. Even though I didn't completely understand, hearing him say that was such a scary thing. Even then, I didn't know how scary it really was. He told us that the cancer was called leukemia and it was cancer of the blood. He told us that it was very serious. He explained how there were two types and the type that she had was called ALL. He told us that she would go to a special hospital for cancer patients. I remember asking him when. And all he said was "very soon." He explained how she would take chemotherapy and it would cause her to lose all of her hair, how right now she was sick and the medicine would make her very weak. After hearing it all I started to cry.
I didn't want people to make fun of my sister if she was bald, I didn't want Ana Denae to have to suffer, I didn't want her to die.
That night they were packing their bags to leave for Memphis. The doctors said that it was so serious that she really needed to leave the next day. Just like that they were gone. The journey was a tough one. She battled for her life for several years. There were times when she wasn't even expected to live. Shots and pills were daily, hats came just as often as stickers, masks and IV's were nonstop, and hello kitty bandaids were her new best friends. This was her new way of life. Watching her suffer put such a toll on my life. I became so protective over her. I only wish that I had half of the faith that I did then. I knew that God would take care of her. When kids would ask me a recess if I was scared of her dying I would always say the same thing. "No, God's going to heal her." And at such a young age, I always believed that. I never believed anything else.
I continued to watch the days go by. Some days were good days and some days were terrible. I could go on and on about everything that happened in just those years. By the time I would be anywhere near writing everything, it would be a book.
But the important part is that through every circumstance, every trial, every obstacle, she was healed. I strongly believe in healing. After seeing everything that she has been through, after hearing and/or witnessing every last story about all the times she almost didn't make it, there is no way that I could ever say that there is not a God. He has proved his love countless times. Each day is a gift of life. So often we take it for granted.
So quickly it can all start tumbling in.
My sister is walking proof of that.
But throughout it all there is hope.
<3


Ana Denae when she first arrived at St. Judes.




Most amazing place on this earth.


Probably one of the most heartbreaking pictures. Signing I love you before she goes into surgery.


We both wrote I love you in the chalkboard. (:



We both love this picture. It's her sixth birthday. (:


This is actually when I got to go up and visit her in the hospital. Pretty pretty princess was our favorite game.


Christmas 2010


My beautiful and healthy sister now. (:
I love you sweet girl.



<3
Micaela

Nine months and six days later..

I get this! So I have most definitely put this whole blog thing off for long enough. I was surprised at how long ago I actually created this thing. I mean come on Micaela, nine months and not one post? I could have had a baby in that time.. I really don't have any excuse other than, I didn't think I would ever remember my password and I was basically too lazy to try and figure it out. Man oh man and was I right about the whole not remembering thing. After about, you know, 23 failed log-in attempts I finally remember the stupid thing. At that point I was just expecting the whole "the username or password you entered is incorrect" crap to once again pop up on the screen. So after clicking enter for the umpteenth time, my profile finally pops up. Thank God.
I look over to view what all I had previously done to my profile (which was basically nothing) and see "Last published May 10, 2010" on the screen. Last published what? Um, I'm pretty sure this is my first post. I haven't exactly "published" anything yet. My name maybe? Yeah okay, that works. Ahh well whatever it was, it was obviously nothing too important. I obviously went nine months without it.. Am I good at procrastinating or what?

Okay, blah blah. Off to better things. Well, since it's my first post and all why no go ahead and tell you a little about myself?
My name is Micaela Nicole and I am seventeen year old procrastinator.
Okay okay, I know I know, so cliche right?
So..
How about I just show you a little bit of who I am..

There are very few people in this world who actually know me. Honestly there are very few people in this world who would actually care to really know me, and that's okay. There is no need for my life story to be shoved down anyones throat. I'm perfectly happy living life the non-celeb way. The whole world doesn't need a magazine spread of my past or high hopes for the future. People these days have enough drama to worry about on their own, I would hate for any of my life to be a part of that. You're probably thinking okay.. what is this chick talking about? So let me explain..I can pretty much guarantee you that if you were to try to get seriously involved in any of my typical day to day drama, it would quickly become some of your own. For whatever reason drama traces my every last footstep. I can't turn a corner without it following full speed from behind. It's so easy for me to say all of this and sound as if I'm complaining about this terrible dramatic life that hates me. But to be honest, I'm truly not saying any of this to complain or get anyone to feel any kind of sorrow for me in the slightest bit. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. For the most part, I have learned to accept life as it is and because of that I find much happiness throughout it all. Life is all about how you make it. The world will never fail to bring stubborn trials and grueling obstacles. As you probably know, it's pretty good at it. Although they might seem to be quite near impossible to over come, the key is to learn how to become one step stronger in the end. You can go one way or you can go another. That's the good thing about life, there is always a two way street. You can grow stronger or you can fall weaker. You can seek hope or you can find pain. You can exude happiness or live in fear and sadness. The choices are endless, but we're the ones that choose it for ourselves. No one else can choose it for us.Sure, I'm human, I don't always have the best attitude about everything. I have days that I just want to jump into an alligator infested bayou and leave the world as it is. Hasta la vista, baby. Not that I ever would.. but it's a thought. That alone would just be too easy.. Not that throwing yourself at big hungry alligators is easy.. Just simply giving up because you have had enough of life would be the easy part. Hardship is part of what shapes us into who we are. Why let it completely take over our lives?



I'm not even sure that anyone will ever read this. I honestly don't know who would want to spend their time reading this. But it's here, for everyone in the world to see.So I tried to not make my first post too long. Fail.
I guess this kinda sorta makes up for all the time I had a blog that I didn't use.
Nah, in that case I could have made it much longer.
Ah well, I guess I should go study.
Procrastinating once again. Can't exactly wait nine months to do it.. unfortunately.

<3
Micaela